When I Think Of What A Caregiver Should Be, It Isn’t Me!
My caregiver journey began in 2008 when I became my god-sister’s caregiver, she was 81 years old. Gladys was a widow with no children. Even though she was 25 years older than me, we were raised like sisters because I became the other child my god-mother couldn’t have. I lived with my godparents and Gladys until I was 11. My family was her family.
My daughter called me one day and said “Aunt Gladys has Alzheimer’s and can’t live by herself anymore so I’m moving her in with us.” Then two years later, she called and said she couldn’t handle Gladys along with her two step-daughters, so we needed to move Gladys to Georgia to live with me.
I was petrified. Not because I wasn’t able, but because I didn’t see myself as a good candidate for a caregiver. I see my personality as similar to Detective Joe Friday from the old TV Show Dragnet. Joe Friday was no nonsense. His iconic saying was, “Just the facts, ma’am.”
My Meyers Briggs personality is INTJ. I’m an introvert with little use for small talk who struggles in social situations.
I asked family members and friends to describe me with three words:
- Husband: direct, vigilant, dependable
- Pastor/former employer: caretaker, loyal, organized
- Daughter #1: organized, meticulous, upfront
- God-daughter: honest, direct, encouraging
- Daughter #2: organized, philanthropist, compassionate
- Friend: organized, unapologetically honest/candid, caring
When I looked at these responses, I was surprised to see encouraging, compassionate and caring. Regardless of my assumed deficiencies, I accepted the challenge and began making plans to receive Gladys.
- Find a good Geriatrician
- Hire a contractor to build a handicap bathroom on the first level
- Move my office out of the first level to make room for Gladys
- Make arrangement with Cobb County Senior Services to pick her up to go to the Senior Center
- Change my work schedule so I could be home when she comes from the Senior Center
- Set up a schedule with me, my husband and daughter to tend to Gladys
- Make arrangements with a CNA or an agency for special occasions when we would be away
- Figure out what to do with her house in Philadelphia
One of the things we didn’t have to worry about, was Gladys’ medical insurance. She retired from working for the state of Pennsylvania and had great coverage through the state.
My main strengths are planning and organizing. Because of those skills, the transition of moving Gladys from Philadelphia to Georgia and becoming her caregiver was pretty smooth. My biggest adjustment was that she didn’t remember my name. She knew who I was, but my name escaped her memory banks.
