Caregiver Support is Crucial

This is my crew.  Every family caregiver who lives with the loved one they care for needs a crew, aka a village.  This picture was taken about 8 years ago – my husband, daughters, son-in-love and grandson. It’s one of the few pictures I have with all of us together. I am very thankful for them and all the support they give me.

I am well aware there are lots of caregivers who don’t have any help.  Sometimes they are an only child, like me, and don’t have any siblings to help out. Sometimes they have siblings that don’t offer any help.  Some people rely on aunts, uncles, friends, neighbors and church members to give them a little help – that kind of help is limited, if it ever even happens.

My Crew

Most of my little village lives in metro Atlanta:  my husband, youngest daughter, son-in-love and grandson. My oldest daughter lives in Pennsylvania.  Each of them plays a part in helping care for Mom.

Fred   My husband helps Mom keep standing while she holds onto her walker so I can put on her pull ups. I’m pretty sure someone is wondering why I don’t just use regular adult diapers. Well, if you’ve ever seen how poorly I put them on, you wouldn’t ask.

Fred’s most important role is every evening when we have to use the Hoyer Lift to move her from her recliner to the bed.  He takes her breakfast, picks up her dishes, and sometimes he cooks her breakfast.  As far as Mom is concerned, she looks forward to him letting her know when basketball is on tv.  But most of all, she looks forward to him sneaking her ice cream (they think I don’t know).

Anita   My daughter lives in Atlanta. For the most part, she comes by on weekends to help me get Mom up, bathed and dressed.  When Fred and I want to take a trip, she stays at the house to take care of Mom while we’re away. She also sneaks Mom candy.

Sebastian  my grandson is homeschooled by Fred, so he is here 3 days a week.  Sebastian runs household errands like taking Mom ice water and other things she asks for. He takes her meals and picks up her dirty dishes.  Sebastian also knows how to work the Hoyer Lift and also helps put her to bed, but his special contribution is playing piano for Mom.  He has a keyboard at our house and Fred takes it downstairs and Sebastian will play for a while. That’s something Mom enjoys.

Nichole my oldest daughter, lives out of state. She sends a check every month to help pay for the CNA who comes a couple of days a week.  Also, when she visits, Nichole gives me a day off while she takes care of Mom.

Caregiver Support Groups

I’m not a person who likes group meeting, either in person, on the phone or on Zoom. So, my choice of caregiver support group is Facebook.  My group is for people who taker care of their elderly parents.  It’s a place where people can either vent or share encouragement. You don’t have to share if you don’t want to.  Some people find help and support in other caregiver’s stories because they are experiencing the same thing.   As caregivers we know it’s hard for other people to understand what we do or the toll it takes on us both emotionally and physically.  My Facebook group is a safe place where you say whatever you’re dealing with and know that you won’t be judged and that there are other people who have similar experiences.

All kinds of stories are shared in the group:

• No help from siblings
• No siblings and no help
• Siblings who control the purse strings, don’t help but want to tell you how to take care of the parent
• Siblings who never call or check on the parent
• Family members who don’t help and don’t call
• Friends who stop calling or coming by
• Lack of a social life
• Parents who don’t have dementia and are uncooperative
• Parents who have unreasonable demands
• Parents who can afford to contribute to expenses but don’t

These are just a few of the subjects that come up in my Facebook group.  My group includes people in the United States, and in other countries. We have a common thread – we take care of our parents. Some caregivers in my group take care of their in-laws.

Facebook has many different kinds of caregiver support groups; this is just a sampling:

• Family Caregivers
• Dementia Care
• Alzheimer’s Care
• Wives Helping Wives
• Elderly Parent Caregivers
• Parkinson’s Support Group
• Self-Care for Caregivers
• MCI Care
• Veteran and Military Spouse Support Group
• Adults with Autism Care

In addition to Facebook groups, there are Instagram, Youtube and TikTok pages with people who share information about caregiving and various caregiving resources. These types of support are free and cater to all needs.