5 Things I Hate About Caregiving

The Golden Years Myth

If you’re a retirement age and a caregiver like me and the person you care for lives with you, your so-called golden years may have to be redefined.  My golden years are rusty.  Sometimes people say, “Oh, you’re retired and living your best life.” Um, this is not it! My image of living my best life isn’t what I’m living.  I’m thankful that my mother is still with us and I’m able to take care of her, but I imagined something more relaxing.

Family Vacations

For years my husband, daughters, their spouses and my grandson took family vacations together. That doesn’t happen anymore because someone has to stay home with Mom.  Because I only trust my immediate family to stay in my home with Mom, either me or one of my daughters will stay home. For the past two years either me or my younger daughter who lives in the same city take turns staying with Mom. I love the beach and I love cruising.

Hiring Help – Expense & Trust

In my area, hiring a CNA for Mom’s level of need runs $18-$39/hour with a minimum of 4-6 hours per day. Then you want to find someone you think is a good fit both with personality wise and experienced.  Then there’s the trust issue.  I don’t care how highly you come recommended; you have to earn my trust.  In addition to trusting, I still have cameras in my house and I let anyone taking care of Mom know there are cameras.

Extra Cleaning

In addition to general housework, attention to your loved one’s area is imperative.  Mom is incontinent, so her trash has to be emptied daily.  She also has loss some function with her hand so she often spills and drops things. It’s not unusual to find food on the floor, in her recliner and in her bed.

Last Minute Invitations

There’s no such thing as impromptu.  If you invite me to something less than two weeks in advance, don’t expect me to show up.  Between family and my little village, I can’t just find someone to stay with Mom at the last minute, I have to consider their schedules and commitments.